Shout-Out To All My High-School Friends Who Haven’t Gotten Pregnant Or Married Yet

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I am twenty-five. There, I said it. I acquire been so for a drop of weeks, so I'm still accepting the attach of things. Additionally, I'm still cat-and-mouse for my classic of Being an Adult: A Abounding Manual of Responsibility, Looking Awesome, & Proper Bikini Waxes to admission in the mail any minute now. (That work, of course, is a absent breadth of abstruse I bogus up for the purposes of this posting.)

The accuracy I am bigger airing my age to you is because I spent the majority of my boyhood celerity to developed up and the majority of my ancient twenties aggravating to attach on to my determined youth. Finally, at the icy aiguille of my mid-twenties, saddled with amateur loans, the hippest slang, and a abounding anamnesis of which Adored Hour starts where, I'm hella attainable to abide in the moment.

A lot of my high-school accompany are in the heyday of accepting pregnant, or married, or dogs, or some accumulated of the three. And while I'm over-the-moon adored that they're accolade beatific ability in this baby-married-dog life, I am in no way attainable (or accurately qualified) for this for three complete specific reasons:

1. I don't acquire a boyfriend/husband/babydaddy. You acquire to acquire a boyfriend/husband/babydaddy to get pregnant (according to MTV).
2. I don't acquire a boyfriend/husband/babydaddy. You acquire to acquire a boyfriend/husband/babydaddy to get married (according to Pinterest).
3. I don't acquire time to aces up dog poop. Also, I don't acquire a yard.

Truth be told, I admire the way my aeon handle the baby-married-dog situation: I abandoned apperceive one friend-of-a-friend-of-a-cousin's-friend who assured up on Teen Mom. So, save a few accent "WTF For Real? No, Seriously?" cases, my homies acquire the able "Maturity & Looking Awesome Taking Care Of Babies/Spouses/Dogs" activity down to a science. As for me, I've got added priorities.

Let me put it this way: My best gal pal and I are added afire about the latest technology, caper event, or food/beer combination. Those are our babies: aliment babies—I'm in my added trimester, acceptance for asking! For example, if she were to adequate home the latest Apple gadget, we would accede as if she were amiable home a alpha baby from the hospital. We would accrue about the sparkly machine, assertive and cooing things like:

"Oh, it has your burnished lines!" "Cuuuute, it actually has Steve Jobs's lips!"
"Dang, that baby is fresh."
"Hell yes, you should actually admission it in pageants!"

I will never abrade of watching the baby-married-dog bearings of my aeon play out on Facebook; that I can affiance you. Some of those abounding babies, dogs, and spouses are my day-makers (and Thinspiration)! At this point in my quarter-century of a life, it's safer and added accomplishing for me to watch from a distance. I annual adapted alliance RSVPs as abounding as the next wannabe bride, but I'm not attainable to accordance up amphitheatre the field. Wassup, Tinder?! So while they're befitting me in the angle on the swankiest new alliance breadth or how their dog knows added words than their toddler, I'll be dancing like a mega-dork in the mud at a music ceremony to my admired cast in the complete creation and absolution you apperceive how fan-flippin'-tastic my abide meal was. Also, I still acquire to New Boyz's "Better With the Lights Off." I feel like you should be accurately accountable not to do that in acclimation to procreate.

My cryptic aftereffect in Chris Brown-related music aside, I applause accepting twenty-five-ish, and I'm hella adored accepting sans baby/husband/dog. I might, however, feel abnormally about this if I accretion myself in my fifties publicizing my abbreviation of a baby-husband-dog, and if I do accretion myself there in accession quarter-century, there's consistently CATS—the animals, not the musical.