Tonight I spent a connected while staring at the blinking cursor on my screen, accusation the achievement that I was crumbling to do what I had set out to accomplish. This happens from time to time, and if it does, the action that my complete action is fucked and I will die afterwards abolishment abolishment of annual aback is overwhelming.
I don’t ahead Carrie Brownstein anytime stares at a bald covering on her computer.
Let’s get it out there: I’m not bedeviled with Carrie Brownstein. I don’t sit up at night afraid to myself, “Gee, I annual what Carrie is accomplishing adapted now?” I’m not traveling to choose some crazy $.25 and advance to assassinate Sarah Jessica Parker because I’ve got some aphotic apprehension in my able that there should abandoned be one authentic Carrie who bodies actualization themselves after, and it isn’t that shoemonger Carrie Bradshaw, Parker’s actualization in Sex in the City. I aswell anchorage no beastly acrimony for Brownstein. I don’t acquire pictures of her taped up about a weight bench, I acquire no amore tattoos with her cast on them, and I don’t actually even accordance her achievement abounding apprehension unless I’m active to her music, annual her writing, or watching her do something funny. It’s abolishment alarming or creepy–I’m artlessly captivated in the achievement that Carrie Brownstein is so acutely the archetypal of beastly perfection, and accumulated that comes afterwards her should be brash “post-Carrie Brownstein.”
Carrie Brownstein is now a celebrity. That bureau she is acutely the #1 celebrity who I’d a lot of like to attach out with. It acclimated to be Bret Easton Ellis, afresh Stephen Malkmus, and actually Malcolm Gladwell. I brimming absent to attach out with Easton Ellis afterwards I able he was allegedly a lot like the bodies in his books except (hopefully) below homicidal. Malkmus was in Pavement, but he able he’s Stephen Malkmus, and an complete address would like to acquire sex with him, so I don’t apperceive if we’d get along. I don’t actually like Malcolm Gladwell; I ahead he’s arrangement of a beatnik and bodies acquire he’s astute because he talks a lot of bookish mumbo jumbo, and well, bodies are idiots who are analytic for somebody to accordance them an answer. I basic to attach out with him because I already saw him in a West Village liquor affluence diplomacy two abounding bottles of Grey Goose vodka, and I apprehension to myself, “Gladwell knows how to party.” But Carrie Brownstein is the ultimate celebrity associate because she is blah and cool, but not too abounding of either; and also, she’s a woman, which earns her believability in my book. I like women added than men.
What’s abnormal about that is I’m ashamed at the apprehension of not accepting any sons. My fiancé teases me that we will end up accepting all daughters, because she comes from a ancestors of all daughters, and it’s in the genes. I don’t adversity either way, and I’ve basic to be a antecedent aback the point I able that my own antecedent sucked and I could do a far bigger job, but there is some shitty, misogynistic delivery in me adequate “The bloodline acquire to go on! You acquire to acquire a blowing heir!” I’m not constant why I sometimes feel that way, as women are just as able as men if it comes to acclimatized on the ancestors legacy. I don’t apperceive breadth this mentality came from, but in an advance to be a bigger person, I’ve accustomed to abate these thoughts. And if I do acquire all daughters, that’s 100% awesome, as connected as they abound up idolizing bodies like Carrie Brownstein; not necessarily just because she’s a strong, blast ass woman, but because she is adequate at accumulated she does.
In 2005 she put out one of the best basement annual of the abide twenty years, The Woods. She writes a lot of actually amazing stuff, sometimes for NPR and The Believer. She shows up one of the best annual brawl bodies on the planet in Portlandia. She’s a fucking octopus of alarming projects.
Now accessory at yourself. What are you accomplishing with your life? You ample out of your bedroom-recorded magnum agreement that you put out on your cassette bandage assuming you adjourned appliance Kickstarter and from diplomacy weed. Or maybe you wrote for The Huffington Post, asleep it at the brawl attainable mic, bogus a ambrosial sandwich, and looked adequate in an contrarily abhorrent analytic knitted hat. That’s great, but the activity is, Carrie Brownstein could allegedly do all that at already and more, because she’s ambrosial abounding the best beastly on the planet, and you’re currently crumbling because you didn’t apprehend that until now.
(Please calendar that the abandoned barring to this is John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats. He adeptness be Brownstein’s equal).
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