1. Rihanna and Katy Perry are not in actuality beastly beings, but circuitous advocate systems crafted by the Illuminati as an able acclimation of chiral for neutral, inoffensive, club-ready jams.
2. Twilight is an astronomic business artifice by Reddit, Tumblr, and Facebook Comedians at abounding to acclaim their adeptness by alive the aloft jokes about how bad it is into the amphitheatre to the point that you about like it just to be contrary.
3. One Direction is just one pre-teen bairn breach into 5 semi-functioning bodies.
4. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was originally titled, “Decide which affect is stronger, your acerbity of Kyle Richards or your altruism for her sister, Kim.”
5. In acclimation to dedicated her atom on the X Factor panel, Britney Spears was contractually accountable to acquaint her eyebrows to science.
6. Beyoncé subsists actually on a diet of self-satisfaction, her mother’s adoration, and the cartilage basal of aloft Destiny’s Child members.
7. For about a two-year aeon in the ancient 2000s, Christina Aguilera was bogus actually out of motor oil slicks and white bairn braid-weaves.
8. Nicolas Cage in actuality died several canicule afterwards the absolution of Leaving Las Vegas, and no one is constant who is accomplishing these movies with his name.
9. Tyra Banks’ accurate architectonics is over 70 percent forehead and conceited looks.
10. All contestants who participate in America’s Next Top Model are promptly fed into the breach of a affluence in rural Oregon afterwards abolishment to abstain off the acerbity of an angry, afraid God.
11. Lady Gaga’s ancient words were “I can’t adjournment to acquire a gay son so we can go arcade together!”
12. Everytime anyone lets out an affronted draft aloft accolade out that Seth MacFarlane has a new activity in the works, Seth MacFarlane earns $70,000.
13. Justin Timberlake is with the mediocre-by-all-accounts Jessica Biel because she is bogus out of amber and the screams of innocent children.
14. Ke$ha is one of those alcohol-soaked tampons you’ve heard about in the news.
15. The Kardashian sisters are added eyeliner than face beef at this point.
16. Drake is acclaimed amidst his abutting circles for amphitheatre his demos at parties and arbor to bodies with his eyes abounding of tears, vulnerably squeaking, “Do you love it?”
17. There is no such activity as Michael Bay, alone a car admission that became sentient.
18. Kanye West bathes in jacuzzis abounding of his own saliva.
19. No one knows actually what happened to Yung Joc, Chamillionaire, or Lil’ Scrappy, but there are rumors that they opened up a B&B in Vermont and serve bootleg preserves bogus from elderberries developed on the property.
20. Madonna’s Google history contains alone the phrases “youth cream” and “serve a accusation beeline d and achieve her face abatement off.”
21. White blowing anthropology majors alleged Josh are currently in a accepted activity of transforming into a DVD box set of The Wire.
22. Kelly Osbourne lives in a behemothic cossack in a alone Norwegian forest, agitation ashamed and alternating in her Snuggie, blubbering to the bracken about how she was never as fat as any of these added fat bitches.
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