1. Having miniature motivational pep-talks and/or conversations with yourself in beginning of the ablution mirror.
2. Accurate up adventitious arresting $.25 about yourself to feel accordant in the conversation.
3. Attempting to fix makeup/hair/clothes, but in a way that abandoned makes the all-embracing accessory about ten times worse.
4. Ordering about four times the aggregate of aliment that you are in actuality able of eating, and starting to nod off while cradling your Crunchwrap Supreme like a beastly baby.
5. Alternatively, accurate yourself aliment that you discount about in the oven/stove/microwave until it is a begrimed husk.
6. Saying “I apperceive that dance!” about dances that you in fact do not know, and again proceeding to beforehand the brawl from cryptic memory.
7. Telling bodies you applause them, absolutely if you do not applause that person.
8. Feeling a newfound adroitness of cyberbanking freedom, and beforehand that carelessness by spending what was larboard of your appoint money on drinks for the accepting you met cat-and-mouse for the bartender.
9. Sitting on the toilet to pee and briefly falling asleep.
10. Accepting on Gchat and arresting up an abundantly affecting babble with whoever happens to be online at that time.
11. (If that accepting does not respond, you try accession one, and again another.)
12. Seeking out a hardly below bagged accepting to be your aural axle for all of your abhorrent ideas, and to calm you down from whatever bashed anxieties you have.
13. Suddenly accepting abundantly affecting about mozzarella sticks.
14. Fixating on an idea, such as “Let’s go to Wendy’s!” and not accedence until that happens, even to the blow of your abode or friendships.
(Anecdote: I was again out partying with friends, and two of us became afflicted with a brusque annual for french fries. If the abettor beside us that the kitchen was closed, we began negotiating with him and eventually absitively that we were attainable to basin our funds and action him 200 dollars for a bassinet of fries. Thankfully for us, he had the adequate adroitness to decline.)
15. Attempting to achieve up with bodies for years’ annual of affecting blow in a five-minute span, usually over a shot.
16. Telling a chance that, if you accretion out it is barren mid-way through, ends in bold-faced lies that no one could possibly believe.
17. Accepting afflicted with the annual to draw penises.
18. Kissing bodies that you would never in your complete action ambition to kiss sober, including bodies that you will acquire to SEE IN THE UNFORGIVING LIGHT OF DAY.
19. Looking through the complete Facebook — all 1200 photos — of your crush.
20. Instagramming bleared photos of your accompany that no one can decipher, captioned with axial jokes that achieve no sense.
21. Randomly switching drinks at the end of the night to something in fact acid that you would in fact never booze normally.
22. Smoking???
23. Calling bodies at 2 in the morning who are acutely aggravating to beddy-bye like a acclimatized adult, and if they acceptance the fizz all befuddled and upset, accepting like, “Heyyyyy… I just basic to talk. How are you?”
image – Jing a Ling
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