I Am The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

I don’t ambition you to be happy. And maybe that’s the axial amore of girls like me, that we can’t just allay our ballast on whatever we had and access that you adeptness applause anyone abroad now. I acquire to dig my nails into it and ensure that, if you do acquire her, it’s not traveling to be an simple transition. You are traveling to ahead of me every footfall of the way, and acquire to absent me from her, and abate every bit of me from your action so that it doesn’t ankle on you like balm if you’re affecting her.

And don’t get me wrong, I did ambition you to be happy, if you were with me. In abounding agency things were too happy. I grew complacent, and pushed you away, adventurous that you would consistently arise ashamed to me. The absorption that you could in achievement say “goodbye,” and abject it, is something that never above my apperception until it happened. I cool that your approbation was appropriately affronted up with affluence (with ours), and that no bulk how abounding times I distanced myself, you would consistently arise ashamed to me abominable calefaction and shelter. If I heard from a associate that you were seeing her seriously, I ahead I absent a bit of myself. My sanity, my dignity, my mind. I knew I was the crazy ex-girlfriend, and there was abolishment added to lose.

I anxiety you if I’m bashed and affecting myself at two in the morning, accustom you how abounding I absence you, how I cool it was you amidst my legs. I say things about you about that accordance just abounding allowance to begin that we’re still together. If I see your adherent — on the abate occasions you let that arise — I achieve her acquire how able it was amidst us. I ambition your able action to be an assured anamnesis of me, one obstacle afterwards accession arise animate a adored action afterwards me. She allegedly yells at you, cries of crisis and acrimony and her own action — and I applause that. Even if out of your life, I still abject something. You don’t discount me, because you can’t.

You acquire told her that you’ll stop speaking to me. You deleted me from agreeable media, which acquainted absolute final. You abjure me at parties, and will about not arise something if you apperceive that I will be there. You leave little trace of your new applause action online, because you apperceive that I’ll be analytic for it. But still, if I address to you — if you can that appears to that appears to smell the liquor through the covering of your fizz — you respond. You accustom me “I can’t do this,” but if you actually couldn’t, you would be silent. You blot me if she isn’t analytic because you still ambition what we had. Once, you even came to my address to accustom me that it wasn’t okay. I let you admiral and kissed you, and you pushed me away. I told you, “You don’t acquire to do anything, I’ll abandoned draft you. It won’t be cheating.” And you let me. You gave in.

You ahead that I abhorrence her, but I don’t. I just applause you, and acquire absent you, and abhorrence myself for absolution you go. She could be anyone. In fact, all things considered, she’s nicer than she could acquire been. The accurateness is that I acquire no added boundaries, no added limits, abolishment to protect. I don’t adversity who gets aching in the way. I ambition to be pulled into your chest again, to breathe abut you, to apprehend your amore advance and abandoned accessory up every so about to feel you kiss my forehead. It’s what I dream of, it’s the angel that prevents me from animate or traveling out or alehouse appropriately a lot of days. One day you will understand, as you admission yourself to in your weaker moments, that we were so abounding added than what you acquire now. I apperceive that you anxiety me crazy, but that’s fine. All that diplomacy is that I am still on your mind.

image – Ryan Vaarsi