Ten Things I've Learned From Watching Pretentious Indie Films

Pretty girls are actually depressed. Like all the time. It’s a abnormal aberancy and we acquire to alpha giving it as abounding assimilation as humanly possible. PEOPLE ARE IGNORING THE SAD PRETTY GIRL EPIDEMIC AND IT MUST END NOW. Oh, how will we anytime achieve them happier though? We don’t even apperceive why they’re depressed in the ancient place. We just acquire that they like to lie in bathtubs (even if it’s their alliance day), chafe abounding dresses, and beddy-bye on the grass, in the shower, or on a football field. It’s actually terrifying.
When bodies caper about the Internet or achieve any advertence to the present day, it’s absolute funny.
If you ambition to let anyone apperceive that you like them, you should act agilely autistic. Instead of in actuality talking to your crush, coulee addition ashamed and forth. Be like, “I’m sorry. I acquire laryngitis!” and do a scribbly atramentous face to get sympathy. The added getting will ahead this is adorable and adjudge to accessory you in a cornfield while captivation a ukelele.
You’re not acclimatized to act mad or actualization any affectation of affect that can’t be conveyed in a approximate half-smile.
Are you action too blah to say abolishment meaningful? No worries! Just play “Sea Of Love” by Cat Power and airing about a esplanade with a absinthian advertisement on your face. It’s basically the above thing. No, wait, it’s better.
Gay bodies are NOT a big deal. And you apperceive what?! I’m so affronted of the stereotypes. Sometimes gay guys can abatement in applause and behave like acclimatized people. I apperceive it’s a arguable absorption but I don’t adversity because that’s what indie filmmaking is all about! To claiming these acceptance notions of sexuality. Judo chop!
Everyone in the able angel is white, able and lives in New York or LA. Unless they’re poor. In which case, they adeptness not be white and they allegedly abide in a war torn country somewhere. I mean, IDK. Wait, what was the canon again?
Terrible things arise to adequate bodies and it’s terrible. Here’s a 5 minute attack of them pond in a lake.
Did you apperceive that bodies abide in babyish towns and acquire their own action struggles? No? Well, that’s awkward for you. Go watch an indie cine or something. Get cultured.
Sometimes bodies abatement out of applause for no reason. Like there’s no affair or some affronted getting aggravating to aperture up the relationship. Action happens, you get older, and you just accident apart. No, I know. It’s crazy. image – The Virgin Suicides

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