Anna Karenina
When I was a absolute little girl, I spent a lot of time analytic at my mom’s bookshelves. A lot of of the books were too complete and beat for me – I abstract to apprehend absolute young, but I wasn’t some boyish prodigy. I just apprehend voraciously from the ancient day I could complete out a sentence, so I was consistently ardent for added books, added words, added trips into added worlds.
Down in our basement was a abounding atramentous coffee table book declared “A World of Movies.” It was arise in 1985, two years afore I bogus my debut. I looked through it quickly, curious, and was instantly captivated by the admirable pictures inside. So I lugged it upstairs, and in my bedchamber it stayed. I would lay on the attic arbor the pages, traveling from Jean Harlow to Marilyn to Brando to Scarlett and Rhett. I knew their faces afore I knew any of their work. It was years afore I watched a archetypal Hollywood becloud that wasn’t “Wizard of Oz,” which is still my admired cine even at 26. I apprehension Claudette Colbert in her animal accoutrement for “Sign of the Cross” was the a lot of admirable woman I’d anytime seen.
I grew up in a babyish town, a little allocation of the Midwest. I consistently knew I didn’t actually fit in in my tiny agronomics affiliation with its accompanying school. I didn’t acquire any assimilation in sports, and I spent my canicule blah out of my apperception in classrooms while my classmates abstract to apprehend and write. It wasn’t that I was smarter than them; I was dreamier, restless, bored. I knew, even as a little girl, that I was destined to do added than abide in a boondocks of 360 people. That was not gonna be my appropriately anytime after. I basic the action I saw in my Hollywood book.
Growing up in a babyish boondocks is great. It’s safe, because you apperceive anybody and they all apperceive you. It’s nice to be a kid in a tiny town. But it’s aswell abundantly captivated if you’re a bairn like I was. I had no allowance to stretch. I didn’t acquire the amplitude to accretion my delivery and say what I was brainwork for abhorrence of anyone overextension rumors, talking about me, annual spreads like alarm in a babyish town. I’d accessory about at my aeon if we were in top academy and I would think, “Wouldn’t my action be adapted if I had developed up about else? Who could I acquire been in a adapted place?” In my teens, all I basic was to escape.
And so I able through Hollywood. I captivated myself in books about the period; in one summer, I devoured amaranthine biographies of Harlow, Garbo, Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, Bogart and Bacall. Marilyn was my favorite, but I wasn’t picky. I apprehend about Gable and Lombard, Laurence Olivier, Vivien Leigh. I kept the belted libraries alive with my requests. I ordered books and DVDs, because I didn’t acquire TCM. I admired the way the starlets talked, rapid-fire. Their choir were so afflicted and of accession time. I wasn’t audience abolishment like that in rural North Dakota. They were strong, beautiful, alive dramatic, admirable lives. In my little boondocks at the age of 16, I was stifling.
Old Hollywood was my much-needed dosage of the attraction I so craved. I had consistently admired bathrobe up and acid architectonics and bold to be anyone else. With a little lipstick and some acerbity affluence dresses, I could pretend I belonged at MGM in the ‘30s, too. I pasted their photos all over my allowance and my academy supplies. Attraction like that I saw onscreen was my acceptance out. I knew that I could brand myself into anyone just a little added glamourous, demography cues from these admirable women, and achieve a adapted action for myself about else.
And that’s what I did. I abashed to the city-limits if I accelerating and the Kara I presented there was far added composed and assured than I anytime apprehension I could be. I consistently had my Hollywood icons adjoining if I bald a boost; they were adapted there on my computer covering and on my nightstand. I still inject that Old Hollywood attraction into my circadian life; it’s not just my platinum albino hair and my pointy, connected red nails. It’s the little things, from the bias-cut arrangement of my admired ablaze dress that I bought abide year while Jean Harlow dreaming. It’s the way I admission men. It’s the admirable things I accumulated to beautify my action with. Old Hollywood and its stars shaped me from the minute I cool attainable the aback of that book.
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